A Tenacious Dieters Bloggy Blog

June 2011

2011-06-07T23:00:00.001+01:00

taken 7th June 2011

I got a wii at the end of last month and UNFORTUNATELY I weigh alot more on it (probably due to it being on a rug and not my flat bathroom floor!) so I am just going to go by measurements for a while until I work out which scale is right... I also don't have any batteries working in my scales right now!

Update on measurements!
Bust 49''
Waist 41''
Thigh 28 3/4''
Arm 16 1/2''
Neck 15 3/4''

I am doing at least 30 minutes wii fit a day and it reckons I have lost 4lbs in my first week! I am not putting too much faith in the accuracy of the wii fit scale though, but one thing is for sure, I AM feeling somewhat fitter than I did a week and a day ago!
I also gave my size 12 jeans and pants away as I reckon I wont be heading for that size again, but will be very happy a comfortable size 14 without having to fight to keep at that size.

5th June - Ok so I got some batteries for my scales, and on a flat floor in my bathroom I am weighing in alot lighter than the wii fit has me at, so I am quite confident that is more accurate than the wii (which I cant see how you can tell if it's right?) BUT... I am on the wii every morning so I am going to go by that which had me weighing in at 17stone 3lbs today, making a loss of 8lbs anyway over the past 10 days (it had me at 17 stone 11 lbs on 27th May) - but I would say that I am really in the mid 16 stones, but WHATEVER .. I am fat lol, and I am arguing with myself over lbs when I have MANY stones to lose...s o for CONVENIENCE sakes I am going to go by the wii and adjust my ticker to suit that... and if at the end I end up really lighter than I thought then that is surely a bonus!!!

I also have a small update on some measurements (it is all the hula hooping on the wii I swear!)
Bust 49''
Waist 40 3/4''
Thigh 28 1/2''
Arm 16 1/2''
Neck 15 1/2''
Since begining of May I have lost Bust - 1/2'', Waist, 1 1/4'', Thigh 1/2'', Arm 1'' and Neck 3/4''
When I was doing my hula hooping tonight I caught sight of myself in the mirror and I can visullay see I am tightening up, I just didnt look as flabby so I am pretty pleased with the wii whatever weight it says I am!
The wii, in it's wisdom, also tells me my ideal weight is 10 stones, so have gone along with that... who am I to argue with technology!

7th June - Yesterday I went out in a dress I bought a few weeks ago, and a few weeks ago my belly was tight in it and now it feels really comfy and I felt good for the first time in ages... yes I am still huge but I feel fitter and if I say so myself, noticeably tighter. I can't recommend the wii fit highly enough! Soon I might not still look pregnant!
Tonight I did 10 minutes of a hula hooping game and boy can I feel it! I loves it!!! I feel for the first time since becoming a mammy that I can actually lose this weight all over again! and my mindset might finally be in the right place for it!
My daughter also likes going on the wii and everymorning asks if there is going to be numbers in the piggy (so cute!) and she managed 4 hula spins today! She likes to count me down to the start, 3...2... 1 - she's like my personal cheerleader!
I've also noticed on a morning my ankles arent so sore and I am not hobbling around as much and for as long as I was. I still do have fluid but it is better. I hope soon it'll be a problem of the past because it's not how I want to live.
Oh and I also put make up on for the first time in an age yesterday as I felt my face was looking a bit thinner and I could see my jaw line underneathe the flab!

May 2011

2011-05-19T11:15:00.000+01:00

Starting Afresh

weight - 17st/238lbs

bust - 50''

waist - 42''

neck - 16 1/4''

arm - 17 1/2''

thigh - 29''

18th - have decided I HAVE to, once and for all, for the LAST time, kick this weight problem in the butt! ...so will be continuing to blog my way to success FOR THE LAST TIME! ... I did lose some weight last year, but was due to the heartbreak diet, which always goes back on again eventually! So here I am... 238lbs... huge... unfit... fat, ugly and very nearly 40, ready to get going.

My daughter is nearly 2 years old now and for her I have to set a good example, and I'm simply not. I don't have any energy to play with her much (I'm good for 2 minutes of dancing and that's about me had it) and it's simply not good enough. I've had no personal happiness these past few years (apart from the obvious happiness my daughter brings) and I think some of that could be down to weight... if I don't love myself then no one is going to, and no one does... so time for change. It's all quite simple too - eat less and move more and stay focused, I CAN do it, I know that! AND I am going to do it!!!.. and who knows, may even find some personal happiness for myself along the way!

I HOPE I can do this...

My first Goal is to get in the 15 stones, so 15lb to lose...

Just a few notes of how I feel at this weight: well every morning when I get up my ankles are so sore as they are constantly swollen these days (as are my wrists), I get worn out going up and down stairs, I lack motivation for pretty much anything. I don't feel 'right', half the time I feel I could drop down dead, I get palpatations, my anxiety is especially bad lately... I'm in bad shape, theres no denying it, I can't fool myself. When its hot my thighs are rubbing together and getting sore, I am wearing alot of clothes I wore when I was pregnant still! None of my old pre pregnancy clothes fit, I couldnt even wear my old winter coats and my feet are alot wider than they were too... I bought some sandles last summer and when I got them home they wouldnt fit which wasn't nice as they looked wide and had elastic in them. It's not fun at all being this size, I'm not happy with myself, I hate how I look and I generally feel like a big sack of potatoes that can't do very much at all. My husband says my size doesnt put him off, but he doesnt want me so I'm not really feeling like he's telling the truth on that one, and when I look in the mirror I wouldnt want me either... all of this HAS to change, this is my life and right now I don't want this life.

19th - 16st 12lbs / 236lbs / 9lbs down. 13lbs till in the 15 stones.

Am going to count my calories today, I found it was the only way to lose weight before, otherwise you kid yourself as to how much you've actually eaten!

November

2009-11-14T23:31:00.002Z

Latest pic at 231lbs. I think I'm starting to get a bit shape back and not feeling so much like sack of potatoes! Even got jeans on, albeit they are fully elasticated waist ones!

Been doing a little bit of dancing as exercise to amuse my little one.

I think I'll probably just float till January and start aftresh on the 1st, as I can't seem to get fully into this as serious as I was, and I need to be serious to keep it going to get back to goal. Hopefully by next winter I will be fully back into my clothes.

October 2009

2009-10-11T22:53:00.000+01:00

11th - 1lb down yay - 67 to go.

9th - It seems like it's taking forever... but another lb down, just 68 more to go (groan).
Ok so going to be brave and post a side ways belly shot comparing a few days before I had my baby and 16 weeks later for some motivation.

and what she has learned to do at age 16 weeks!

4th - Still holding 16st 13lbs (237lbs). Bit disappointed I've not lost anything yet this month as did feel like I had... but nope! Ah well, will keep on trying.... I will have to make more effort to get some exercise in, it's just so hard finding the time. Once my daughter is in her cot for the night I am ready for bed myself, and the times someone else is looking after her I am cleaning and washing. I just don't have the time to devote to myself like before, although I did wax my legs the other night... first time in a year! So I can't complain ;)

September 2009

2009-09-26T08:15:00.000+01:00

26th - 237lbs, another lb gone and back in the 16 stones, yay!

22nd - 238lbs. Back to where I was originally -which means I am on the way to losing it again now officially! I was 17 stone on the dot this morning but saw a 16 for a fleeting moment - it looked nice! I think I will manage my Christmas Challenge afterall!

19th -- Having a very down day. You know, one of those days when you wish you hadn't got out of bed?
Was going to collect free books for baby from library when it seemed absolutely nothing would fit today, and I couldnt face going out in a fleece jacket in heat one more time (as my coats/jackets don't fit) , so the trip was cancelled.
I have got to lose this weight as I am letting my baby down as well as myself now!
After moping around feeling sorry for myself I decided to have a go at some exercise, and managed leg lifts, arm swings and a little stretching to which my baby thought was hilarious! I am glad she was laughing as I certainly am not and will probably pay for it tomorrow.
I feel like I've just been handed this amazing little person but with a twist of having my old fat life back. Ontop of that I have a spot building up right on the end of my nose.. arthritic lumps on my fingers starting (heriditary)... an infected end of finger hangnail, have had cystitus for a week! and my ankles and legs are still holding onto all the fluid, and dont even call me Bugs Bunny with my gap in my front teeth that never closed up properly from the pregnancy. In a word I feel and look shit. Even my so called husband agrees and said ''when you are pretty again...'' Sheesh, well at least I have the option, that's more than he can say!
And so sad, I am taking my cat to be put to sleep on Monday - so all in all not everything is rosy in camp Rowan!
I feel like I need a total body make over - you know where they do everything!!!
Hopefully things will star getting better soon, although I am not holding my breath. Everyday for a long time has been 'one of those days'.
The only thing that keeps me going is seeing my babies lovely smile, hearing her giggle and her baby kisses, and knowing that even if I were 30 stone I would still be the best thing since sliced bread to her right now!
Of course though as she gets older and starts school I do not want her bullied for having a fat mum - so for her at the least, I REALLY must succeed again.
I think I'll go make a list of everything I want to change and see how I get on changing things for a better me!

18th -- 2lb loss since 16th and 2lbs down on Christmas Challenge. 17stone 1lbs with 16lbs to go, and got just over 3 months to do it.

16th -- Ok, back to the weight loss proper now (I hope!) and since starting afresh these past few days I am down ... 1lb! Weighing in at a heafty... 17 stone 3lbs (241lbs).
Will be glad when see a 16 on the scales as I seem to be going up and down half a stone like a yoyo lately. I suppose it is probably normal after just having a baby, and haven't had a proper af yet so could be that to blame too for some of it.
Haven't really started dieting or cutting down as such, just not having stuff to eat before bed, and considering some of my bedtimes lately have been before 9pm, not enough hours in the day to get alot of food in!
I am hoping to be in the 15 stones range for Christmas - so this is my first challenge - from now till Christmas Day to lose 1 stone 4lbs (18lbs) - taking me to 15st 13lbs (223lbs)

July 2009

2009-07-03T13:45:00.010+01:00

3rd

wt on 2nd - 16st 11lbs = 4st 11lbs to lose

2 wks post c-section and 29lbs down

Am still on iron tablets for anaemia, blood pressure pills and got to have my next diabetes test end of month. Am shattered and sore 24/7 but it's all been worth it !

2 weeks old

I'm losing weight and my daughter gained 2oz on her 12day weigh in. Most babies make up their birth wt by week 2 - trust mine to surpass it!

7th JULY

Disaster... my wound has opened in 2 places and is weeping so going to have to put exercise on even more of a hold. I think I might just wait till 2010 at this rate. I've been trying to do too much and it's just putting me back, so a lesson learned.
I will find out Friday if there is any infection or not. I'm totally fed up now. I just feel fat and useless, I can't even push her pram now and it feels like a huge step back.

9th JULY

Gawd, 3lbs on!! Ah well, not to worry! It's still only been 3 weeks so early early days. I'm not hoping for unrealistic losses but 'a' loss would have been nice - we'll blame the sugar coated iron pills I'm on ;)
Got to see whether my wound is infected tomorrow and see what can be done for it which is a bit more important to me right now anyway, although my hubby says it looks like it is trying to close up itself now and doesn't look red anymore, so all good signs. I can't see it as it is under my belly flap!

16th JULY

No weight loss this week - still holding at 17 stones. You know what this means? It means I gained a good 4 stone of fat and only 2 stone was the pregnancy!
My wound is still open and I can hardly push the pram never mind start any exercise yet so I suppose holding steady is something right now.
Right now my aim is to continue holding steady at least for the rest of the month as I don't think I am in the right place yet to get serious about this just yet as I'm finding everything a bit of a struggle at the mo. and need to find my feet with motherhood and hope soon they wont be sore swollen feet!

My Birth Story.

2009-07-02T14:10:00.000+01:00

After an early miscarriage I became pregnant again in September 2008 at 13stone. Determined to do everything I could for this little one I used progesterone cream and took low dose asprin till 12weeks. I also ate well.... very well and the last weight recorded was 18st 12lbs.

All through my pregnancy my checks were fine... blood pressure normal, no protein or glucose in samples. Lots of morning/all day sickness, heartburn and started to bloom despite the downsides, and I walked everyday.
Around week 34 it all started to go abit wrong though. My blood pressure rose, my foot/ankle swelling got worse and I had glucose in my pee samples so I was refered to hospital care.

I was monitored nearly every other day, put on blood pressure pills and had to check my glucose levels twice a day. My dream of a soothing waterbirth was going out of the window, and ontop of that they were telling me to expect a baby weighing 10lb plus and scans were confirming large for dates.... So I was offered an induction at 39wks+2 which I took as I thought it best for me and baby.

39wks 2days - Arrive at delivery suite and gel strip is used to dilate me. The only thing is it didn't stay inside me so by the evening we didnt know how long it had actually been working for as it was meant to be in for 24hours - so this was kind of the start for things going wrong. The next thing to go wrong was my hubby pulling the emergency cord in the shower thinking it was for hot water, so there I am standing in all my glory when a midwife rushed in for the 'emergency'!!

babies hb & my niggles (ctg)

all ready for arrival

39wks3days - Checked to see how much progress I made overnight and very disapointed to be told only at 2cms. Doctor comes to see me with 'options'. One in particular is being pushed - a balloon catheter - it'll be put in my cervix and it'll blow up and when I reach 10cms it'll just fall out. Sounds easy but I needed diamorphine and gas and air for it. To say it was painful is an understatement! And I am left with 2 lovely tubes tied to my leg while it's in!

delivery suite

39wks 4 days- Checked and nothing has happened! Still at 2cms! Doctor checks me over and decides to break my waters and see if we can't get somewhere today to get this baby out! After my waters are broken I am started on the drip that starts contractions. I kept being asked if I need pain relief and I just keep saying my periods are worse, and I am like what's the fuss?!! Then the machine is turned up and up and I am on the gas and air and before I know it I am begging for diamorphine! I end up with the max doses of it (3) and by night time I am asking for the drug menu! My only real option is an epidural so I take it as I can't take the pain as been on the machine all day. I had a sleep in comfort that night while still on the drip. I am checked and at 4cms so officially in labour!!

my friend gas and air

39weeks 5days - Wake up feeling contractions and checked. OMG, only 5cms!!! For 11 1/2hours of enforced labour I had dilated 1cm! So there was only one option left at this point as I had no waters either and that was a c-section. It all happened so fast, one minute there was no one in the room and the next I am being prepped and my hubby is in scrubs. I had a catheter put in after several people tried which was one thing I dreaded. That morning though they delivered our daughter and it was all just as well as she had flipped over, was facing upwards with her head back with the cord round her neck. I would have not been able to have her normally as her head angle measured 14cms. My hubby thought they were taking their time getting her out so he afforded a sly look just as she was coming out! He said she was purple with black hair - then we heard her cry twice. It seemed like forever till I got to see her and when I did I couldnt see properly as had an oxygen mask on, so I thought bugger it and took it off! I was too scared to hold her so hubby got all the first moment bonding stuff. I feel a little jealous that he got to see her ''born'' and hold her when I went through the mill to have her and made all the sacrifices. I felt kind of robbed as for months I envisaged this wonderful waterbirth and everything would be rosy when in reality those days beforehand were a nightmare - but as everyone always says, I would do it again to have her, but I am not doing it again and one is enough... !!

one of her first piccys

I then spent the next day and a half in a private side ward as they made a dispensation for my hubby to stay with me due to my sleep disorder. They wern't really wanting me to go home so early but I had had enough and I was mobile and urinating ok and to me I would recover better at home, and I am.

I breastfed her in hospital but she's on a bottle now and thriving and I want to lose the weight again so she doesnt ever feel embarrassed about having a fat mummy not to mention I want to be a good role model - an old mum I can't do anything about but size wise I can....and I will!

(I did get weighed that evening after having her and I was only 1 stone down which I thought was a bit disappointing as I had heard of women being 2 stone down, but 2 weeks later I am 2st 1lb down so I can't complain. I still have ''water'' so am hoping for another good loss this week! I'm also hoping the blood pressure will right itself naturally as the weight goes down and I wont be verging on diabetes either).

C-section after pics
My scar when staples were still in. The ironic thing is all the way through the pregnancy I took care of my stomach muscles and was chuffed how I didn't get one stretch mark - now I have ripped stomach muscles stitched back together and a big long scar!

June (2)

2009-06-09T12:12:00.010+01:00

Have been brave today and had 3 angle photos taken of me at 38+3 weeks pregnant, and have been weighed - so using today as my marker point of losing the weight all over again.

I am ....drum roll please..... 264lbs !!!!!!

I am looking forward to those dramatic losses once little one is born and the water starts to sweat out of me, but by my reckoning I am still looking at losing at least 60lbs with hard work?

So here's the dreaded pics I took today. I have dropped considerably as my lower belly now feels empty and saggy, and don't you just love the fact the love handles are back!

I am not going to beat myself up over the huge weight increase as we are talking 2 pregnancies in a row, being pregnant nigh on a year, first time mum at 38 yrs old - and quite frankly the only thing I am bothered about is that my baby is well and healthy.

And here are all the belly pics I have taken along the way. Looking back I can't believe I felt huge in the 6 week one!

13th June

My poor feet and ankles at 39 weeks pregnant exactly. I am being induced next week so this will be my last 'pregnant' piccy!

Believe it or not but they do get even bigger and more swollen throughout the day. You can see where I have tanned my feet in my sandles though!

27th June....I am a mummy!

After induction didn't work after 3 days trying I had my 8lb 10.5oz baby girl by c-section. She is just beautiful :)

I got weighed today and 17st 5lbs, so 21lb down - 5st 5lbs to go. I can't exercise for 3 months so will just have to try and do this with food intake till then. I breastfed for 3 days only due to a sleepy baby who is now thriving on formula so I am good to go on the diet front, and I want her to have a yummy mummy!

I took one more belly pic and one 1 week post birth - and will try and take one every thursday and weigh in on that day.

1wk post c-section

My ankles and feet are still huge but midwife says they will go down and should by 3 weeks post birth. If they havn't then will have to see the doctor and see what she can suggest.

June 2009

2009-06-08T02:04:00.005+01:00

latest belly pic at 37+6 weeks!
waters are normal - it is all baby!

......... and the baby is a whopper at 9lb +/- 1lb and is on the 90th centile. The baby doctor says this will be a 10lb+ baby and the midwife thinks I will be put forward for a c-section and wont be allowed to go over 40 weeks... well phew to that as wouldnt fancy pushing out a potential 12lb baby!
So looks like in the next 12 days I will be meeting my little girl, one way or another!
The good news is well at least I know a good chunk of my weight gain is baby haha! She is supposed to gain 1/2lb a week but she is gaining more like a 1lb a week from her 2nd last scan.

Other health news is I now have to prick my finger twice a day and record my sugar levels as I came out at 8.1 on my GTT test. The good news is it looks like it is under control but fruit sends me way over.
A kitkat doesnt yet 3 pieces of fruit does! Crazy!
So I wouldnt say I was diabetic per say, but I have the capability of being one, but didn't I know that anyway?!
I am classed as 'inpaired glucose tolerant' so I am ''sort of'' on a diet.

I have to starve for 2 hours (yes a full 2 hours lol) after my main meal for doing my test, and I don't know why but in that 2 hours I could just eat and eat! It is a tad depressing when you're hungry and you can't just indulge yourself, because I am hungry alot of the time just now. A proper meal does nothing for me - I crave stodge, but can't have it boo hoo.Oh well, it is good practice for when back on my diet proper!

I do now however also have high blood pressure and am on blood pressure pills (beta blockers) which might mean I wont be able to breastfeed, but this will be discussed nearer the time and I will be weaned off them. So I am thinking even if I can't straight away, if I express till they are out of my system then maybe I can introduce breast feeding later on.
I am told both these things are just pregnancy related as they happened at the same time.
I was originally put on 50mg twice a day but now on 100mg twice a day. What I don't want is to have to increase the dose again so hoping when I see the baby doctor on Wednesday a desician will be made for getting the baby born asap as my blood pressure is still high even on meds.

Not got alot more to report. The swelling is still bad and if it gets any worse my sandals wont be fastening eek. The baby is engaged and in a good position so if only the currys I am eating would work I might manage to naturally push out a 9lb'er, but she seems too comfy in there.
I am sleepy and getting grumpy lately and feel like she'll never be here some says but in reality it is now 12 days to go... and no doubt panic will start to set in soon!

oh and as for my weight, your guess is as good as mine - I have no idea but I plan to get weighed just before having her, so place your bets (and place them high!).

2009 - May

2009-05-20T01:30:00.006+01:00

Short update: near the end now yippee! baby weighing approx 6 1/2lbs on scan at 34 weeks though so looks like might be having a whopper!

Had a diabetes test and unfortunately levels were slightly raised so am off sugar and starchy carbs to try and get levels back to normal. Hopefully this will calm down my weight gain too.

Had to be monitored for high blood pressure too but managed to get that to come down (think I was just extra stressed on the day).

Swelling in feet and ankles is up everyday now, but luckily still no protein in samples, so is just one of those pregnancy things.

Baby is engaged and got to have another scan at 38 weeks to get an idea of her weight then - fingers crossed though that I go into labour at 37 weeks and I can have the water birth of my choice and she isnt too big, otherwise it looks like my options are changing and will be out of my hands.

Oh and am measuring 40 weeks at 34 weeks too!

I am now under the care of the hospital midwives which is a bummer as unless I can get things stabilised I wont be classed as low risk, although last week I was told I could still have the birth of my choice.

I am dreading it enough without having to envisage something I don't want.

---------------------

My family has gained weight alongside of me! So come August 1st we are all getting weighed and starting our weight loss challenge!

Still no new stretchmarks either but my old ones havnt half stretched. I didnt know they could stretch like that! When I lose this weight they will be really crinkled up.

2009 - April

2009-04-11T20:48:00.006+01:00

11th April - 30 weeks prego today! I don't know where the time is going! Got weighed a little earlier and 17st 10lbs which would make a morning weight of around 17st 8 so looks like i might have lost 1lb! Could be the fact that is harder to actually get food in these days as feel like I am running out of room in there! No sooner do I start to eat then a couple of mouthfulls later I need a lie down as stuffed!

Anyway here's my latest pic (an arty one with chubby fingers!) taken the other day.

Only 7 weeks till classed as full term, and still no new stretch marks yay!

And some normal shots: still got an inny belly button and I hope it stays that way! I will die if it pops out!!

hoping to get a little sun on my belly if the weather perks up - I am this pale!

At my last midwife appontment I had a slight trace of sugar in my sample so if it is still there at next appointment I will have to have a diabetes test. Well it's not like I havn't been there before, that is what started all this weight loss off to begin with being pre-diabetic, so I will have to watch myself and watch my diet closly. I have been on the real sugar so looks like I'll be back to Splenda.

Baby seems fine though, plenty of movements, she'll be 3 1/2lb approx now. So looking forward to meeting her!

I am running out of clothes though. My maternity tops are too short and I'm a bit old to be going about in a cropped top! I have been able to still wear quite a few of my normal tops though but as for bottoms, forget it, I live in jogging bottoms.

I am starting to get a little hip pain now when lieing on left hand side, but would say overall I have coped well with all this extra weight. Apart from baby bouncing off my bladder when walking I am still managing to get around to the local shops and havn't had any SPD or anything like that, but Oh the tiredness! I am asleep more than I am awake and that's for sure.

I also asked my midwife when I can get back to my exercise and I will have to wait 6-8 weeks as I could strain myself lifting, so it will be walks till August and then will get back into things proper again.

And to wrap this up, my swelling seems to be under control now. my blood pressure was down last m/w visit so not worried abou pre-eclampsia or anything now, and water retention seems to be just another pregnancy related thing.

2009 - March

2009-03-19T03:26:00.009Z

28th March and 28 weeks today - only 9 weeks till classed as full term!

man it is getting scary now, and so is my weight lol.

17stone 9lbs eek - Jeez that's 4st 9lb of this pregnancy weight to go plus another stone, so so far got...da da.... 79lbs to lose! but at least I have an excuse this time for it :)

28 weeks

Saw my GP the other day and she actually couldnt believe what I am weighing and said I looked really good and blooming, looking really healthy and to not worry as I wasnt that big lol. I said I wasn't worried as I am in the mindset to lose all this weight again and reckon I will do within 6 months. Well I sounded really confident about this at the time... I have got her a 6 month old t shirt with 'My mummy is a yummy mummy' on it so I don't want to let her down!

Most of the weight does seem to be on my belly anyway, and water retention is taking up the rest of my body. My legs are hurrendous and I had nothing like this from just being overweight (see pics below!)

then after a night of resting them up swelling goes down alot.

The joys of pregnancy! Swollen legs and feet! My thighs must be carrying a few litres at a guess! And under my knees I have like tight bands of water that make it hard to bend my legs. Apparantly my mum suffered the same having me, so payback time! These pics should be embarrassing but LOL what the hell... let's blame it all on the baby!
The only way I can control this is to keep my feet above my heart and the only place i can do that is in bed. Thankfully lately I have spent most of time there as I am just really really shattered all the time. I can feel the baby getting stronger everyday and i think she is sapping my strength.
As long as she pops out healthy though that's all i am bothered about :)

----------------------------

Wow it's been a long time since I have updated this!!!
I am well out of the loop with everything weight loss and thats because I am currently nigh on 27 weeks pregnant, and feeling it!
I have a lot of catching up to do with everyone!

I told in August last year how I was having troubles with my pregnancy, well unfortuntely that ended in a miscarriage but we were fortunate enough to become pregnant again pretty much straight away - and we are having a little girl who is due in June!
She is measuring only a few days ahead so is on target to just being average, which is fine by me!

I think I might have to lose all my weight again and maybe then some, but we'll see as I am carrying lots of fluid in pretty much my whole body!

My legs especially from the start blew up and they look like they are just filled with water under the surface.
I am hoping I havn't gained too much by way of fat, but I think I am kidding myself there haha - oh well, I did it once I will again and I am just grateful that everything with this pregnancy has gone fine although I have worried from the start... the babies health comes first.

The good news is my blood pressure has remained static all the way through, not had any protein in my samples, no sign of anemia and my blood tests were all extremely terrific! So on the face of it I am doing well, but I am struggling a tad with the water retention and the fact I broke my tailbone 15 months or so ago hasn't helped either, as sitting here on a computer chair is sometimes excrutiating.

I am also fighting sleep constantly, i can never get enough some days and then other days even though shattered I toss and turn.

I plan on breastfeeding which I hear uses up 500 calories a day! So we'll try that till I am target weight haha (if she's like 5 lol, I mean come on... 500 calories day!!) and I wont be able to ''diet'' in that time, but with taking up my exercise again I think (hope) it wont take that long to get back to where I was.

Well thats pretty much the update from me - still in the mindset that I want to get the weight off afterwards - I admit I have just gone with the flow on food, and becasue I have to watch my caffeine I couldnt rely on diet cola anymore so have added a heap of fluid calories like fresh orange and milk, but hey ho, all in a good cause!

Here's a progress picture of my pregnancy so far. I wasnt as bloated as with the first one, I think that just went all wrong from the beginning. This time I think I have done OK, not brilliant and have gained far more than I thought I would but seeing my expanding belly jump from my little girls hands and feet makes it worth having, although I wont pretend it hasnt been hard seeing my ''old belly'' re-appearing and it is hard to get your head round the fact that it isnt really it just looks like it!

...and a belly pic at 26 weeks lying down! (weird angle shot I know) but shows where my baby girl is, I am carrying low. My uterus reaches not far from under my boobs now and I have been lucky not get any stretch marks yet, but that's probably cos I have plenty from my fat days!
And a couple of pictures I just like taken last night at 26+4 :)

She kicks him when he lies on my tummy like this! I don't know how much longer he'll be able to sit on my tum like this! I definitly think he knows someone is in there.

He ends up in the huff like this!

2008 - August

2008-08-10T18:02:00.006+01:00

August 10th 2008

Just a reminder of what I was looking like:

I then got one of these

A few days ago I was looking like this and weighing 12st 12lbs:

And now (10th August) I look like this at only 5weeks 4 days! (and I daren't get weighed!)

It is early days and I have gone through the mill with doctors and hospitals, so at the moment I am just keeping my fingers crossed that everything is going to be OK.
The first sign that I knew something was different was when I gagged on a tuna sandwitch and the thought of a kit kat turned my stomach!
I havn't had a chance to enjoy this yet and wont know any outcome till 18th August at the earliest.
The doctors thought I had miscarried 11 days ago, but I somehow don't think this belly would have popped up if I had or that i would still be testing positive. Then they said my levels hadn't doubled, but my belly seems to have!
I am holding onto the thought that their tests are wrong, or that I was carrying twins and lost one.
I can't get too excited just yet as all the medical people have been telling me I either lost it 11 days ago or I will lose it because I had a 3/4 day light bleed on the day my period was due, which is actually quite common (so much for positive thinking from medics!)
My body is telling me differently, and going by my instinct since ''popping out'' I would say I have a good chance of everything being Ok, and stuff the medics who don't know their arse from their elbow, because they really dont.
Three times the hospital did urine tests strips and 3 times they came out negative - I had blood taken for hcg levels and that showed I am pregnant, so so much for their ''accurate'' tests. Even all my home tests have come up positive - so don't always trust hospitals and doctors is my advice.
They are not always right.

I am eating well. I have gone off my old naughty favourites and infact have very little appetite due to the stress of the arsehole medics (you can tell how much I love them!)
I feel like I have lost some body fat from my collar bones but I am eating a good diet.

I should hope I wouldn't gain more than 2 stones, but judging my latest photo who knows!!!
As long as the baby is healthy that's really my main concern - I can lose the weight all over again if I have to!

2008 - July

2008-06-30T13:51:00.002+01:00

+ To get back into lifting my 20lb weights regularly again
+ To keep weight stable

Maintenance

2008-06-18T20:50:00.004+01:00

Due to some food posioning picked up in the last couple of days, and my fitted trousers fitting looser than they were last week at 12st 6lbs, I am now OFFICIALLY in maintenance.

It's not about weight it's all about size.

Sooooo, for the next year my aim is to go between my uk size 12's and size 14's (alot of which I need a belt for) - my weight range is to not go below 12stone and not go over 12st 7lbs - Making a 4 and half to 5 stone weight loss - so say if I have a bad week and I may be in 14's thats fine, then say I have some good months and in 12's that fine too!

So that's me and deliberatly losing weight over for now - what will I do with myself?

I'm am happy with what I lost, a whole new shopping experience has opened up to me - I know if I dress up I can feel the bees knees wth myself and not have any thoughts at all that I dont look anything other than normal sized, I got too used to slobbing out in baggy stuff that I wasn't really appreciating myself and was still hiding away!

When I bought the size 14 fitted pants I thought there might have been a chance they wouldn't fit as they looked a bit on the small size to me, even my hubby said I should try them on before I buy as they look too small, but when I put them on on the friday to try and they fit with a bit room to spare I was shocked, then on tuesday they were a bit slacker again I was doubly shocked with them being fitted!
I think with jeans you can kind of squeeze and stretch them a bit, not much, but you can shimmy in, and you cant with trousers.

For the past month I have not been dieting really, I've had odd days of being good but for the most part I've been tucking what seems alot to me now away, some days as much as 3,000 calories, other days around 1,500, very few under that if any.
So I'm just going to carry on enjoying my fish and eggs (but not as often as going off them a bit!), my daily choccy, my protein shakes now and again, and my salads, fruit and veg, olive oil, my splenda and skimmed milk - have also been having quite a bit of bread lately too, but i want to knock that on the head a bit and my diet cola.

How I'll stay on the straight and narrow.

I can't eat alot everyday, I can some days though!
Like mountains it seems!
But I don't have the constitution for it everyday like I probably once had - I've got some things that happen now that I never had at my heaviest, like when I've eaten too much I SEE IT! I used to feel bloated but never saw it physically before, and I don't like it!

Obviously my clothes, I've nothing over a 14 so I cant get past that size as I cant afford a whole new wardrobe again!

A biggy is my cola, I cant drink full sugar cola in large amounts anymore, so I'm saving 1,000 cals there before I even start on food.

The fact I've kind of shouted my weight loss off the roof tops to people - got to save face now so cant go back to how I was!

A year already of basic maintaining (bar my december freak out!) showed me whatever I might put on, I am determined to stick it out and lose it again, and I only put on with the intent of putting weight on in the first place - such is life I'm bargaining!

YES, I am NORMAL sized, and know in my heart that this is where I need to be, no where else, I'm my proper natural size now. And after being called every fatty name under the sun in the past (fatty, fatso, free willy, hefer, whale, etc etc), feeling sometimes like I didnt even deserve to be on this planet, having close family revel in my fatness, all I can say now is:

UP YOURS MATIES, LOOK AT ME NOW I'm gorgeous!!

2008 - June

2008-06-05T14:54:00.003+01:00

1st -- 12st 6lbs (4st 8lbs lost)
5th -- tom
18th -- official maintenance starting date

2008 - May

2008-05-31T19:04:00.003+01:00

**click on image to make it bigger**

2nd -- 12st 10lbs / 178.2lbs. Went out in shorts. (4st 4lbs lost)

4th -- 12st 9lbs / 177lbs (4st 5lbs lost)

8th -- went out in public in short shorts twice

12th -- 12st 9lbs (4st 5lbs lost)

20th -- 12st 7lbs / 175lbs (4 1/2st lost)

23rd -- 12st 6lbs / 174lbs (4st 8lbs lost)

26th -- bought a brown proper bikini, so not ready for it!

2008 - April

2008-04-30T04:26:00.003+01:00

23rd, 12st 12lbs (4st 2lbs lost)
26th, 12st 11lbs
28th, 12st 10lbs
*click on image to view it larger*

2008 - March

2008-03-31T22:34:00.001+01:00

10th - 12st 9lbs/177lbs (4st 5lbs lost)
15th - 12st 8lbs / 176lbs (4st 6lbs lost)

2008 - February

2008-02-29T22:10:00.001Z

7th -- Lost 7.5lbs since January 3rd. Weight watchers is having a negative effect on my sleep and moods. Feel under pressure to perform which is working against me. Bought creatin to try and Slimfast.

2008 - January

2008-01-31T21:58:00.000Z

3rd -- 13st 5lbs/187lbs. Joined weight watchers with my mum but not following plan or Points.

2007

2007-06-04T04:31:00.000+01:00

2006

2006-06-04T03:52:00.001+01:00

Summer 2006 I decided it was time to really get on and finish this job once and for all!
My then fiance (now husband) bought himself a home gym, started taking creatine and was building up some fairly good muscles. I thought to myself that I didn't want to be the fat one in this relationship, and I guess his enthusiasm rubbed off on me.

I started a personal website to record my weight loss and joined a web ring.
I sought out a weight related forum as I was getting a little bit lonely and found the motivation to carry on was getting stronger and stronger with every pound lost and every dress size dropped.

By Christmas I was weighing in at 188lbs and feeling so much slimmer and fitter than I had in a lot of years.

I had beat my high blood pressure, cholestrol and pre diabets - it was all worth it!!
I knew come 2007 I would carry on and lose more!

2005

2005-12-31T07:17:00.001Z

*click on image to view it bigger*

''A caught off guard moment''

DATE: 2005

STATS: 238lbs/17 stone at least. Size uk 24 top, 22 bottom.

Can I half my body weight and look like a different person?

I don't want to look like this!

I am actually trying to create the illusion of slimness by covering myself up with my arms.

Some hope!

I remember a moment in 2005 that stood out to me. The memory of catching a glimpse of the reflection of my bum and not quite believeing how far out it was sticking or the fact it appeared to be coming out from my lower back.

I was all behind!

I had never, before that, given that part of my body much in the way of worry time. Afterall it wasn't an area I could see everyday and I wasn't about to start positioning mirrors to see what it looked like exactly!
Well, not that I am going to admit to anyway!

My husband (then fiance) used to remark that somewhere inside all that mass was a little bum, and he was right (well little in comparison!) I could literally feel where my true bottom was!

Sure I knew the rest of me was huge, and I accepted that, but I was truly shocked when I caught my reflection and saw I had a shelf for a bottom!

I remember feeling like my heart had sunk.

I was embarrassed.
Angry.
Sad.
Frustrated.

This wasn't me.
It wasn't who I felt I was, not really, not deep down - but it was who I had become, and in a lot of ways we are what we portray.

I portrayed a very overweight, bordering on morbidly obese, youngish middleaged woman (without any wrinkles, as the fat pushed them out!) who if she didn't do something now then she may not reach 40 (cue dramatic music).

2005 was to be my very last year of just thinking I really need to do something about this weight.
It was my last year of making lists on how I could lose such and such amount of pounds a month and be skinny. It was the last year of not caring what I ate or drank. The last year of being satisfied wearing elasticated waist band skirts and t shirts from Bon Marche donated by my mother!

The last year of always wearing a coat outside no matter what the temperature.
The last year of high blood pressure.
The last year of high cholestrol.
The last year of cutting off my air ways from the fat on my neck.
The last year of bordering on being a diabetic.
The last year of not having choices in what I wore.
The last year of defining my worth by my size.
The last year of my thighs rubbing together in hot weather.
The last year of being breathless walking upstairs.
The last year of buying things in sizes I imagined I was, and didn't fit! (can you say denial?)
The last year of 'weight' self pity.
The last year of not caring about me.
The last year of gaining any more weight at least!

A determination came over me, this was it, things were going to change.

I didn't like the feeling of being so shocked when standing on the scales.

I had gained 28lbs really fast, and if I carried on like that I was sure to hit 300lbs one day.

So i started cutting down on my daily intake. I changed over from full calorie cola to diet cola. Within a month or so I was down 16lbs and I hadn't even really tried.

I really felt the loss too.

I thought I was on a roll, but it wasn't to last.

Still, it was a good start and I wasn't about to regain that weight - I was waiting for the real lightbulb moment, the one that would see me through this battle, come hell or high water.

I didn't have to wait long - 2006 is what I call my ''real weight loss start time'' as that was the time I just knew, for real, this was it, now I was going to do it - I was ready!

2005... end of my 'fat' era.

Enough is just sometimes enough!

Before and During Photos

1970-05-27T20:19:00.002+01:00

click on images to see them larger